Affirming and Loving My Son Through Action
My life changed the day our child was born. I remember looking into their sweet face and understanding love in its fullness. I also remember the look of worry and love that settled on my husband’s face as he held our child for the first time. Watching the reality sinking in that our lives would never be the same, and that this tiny person would now rely on us to protect, provide for, and love them... I mean, we were now responsible for shaping the life of a human being… What a gift! What responsibility! That gravity of responsibility is why Jose and I fight so hard for him today.
Our story is not quite different from those that have been shared regarding transgender and non-binary youth over the last decade. As our child grew, we noticed how they would reject dolls and dresses. Our ears perked up when we heard them deepen their voice and pretend to be Aladdin or Astro Boy. And when he was eight, his friend asked me, “Can he go play?,” to which I responded with a shrug as shock and worry washed over me. Their friend's mother corrected him and said, “No, she is a she,” and the friend responded with exasperation, “No, he is a HE!” Once we were alone in the car, I asked him, “Is this how you see yourself?,” and my son said, “I know my body is wrong, but in my insides and in my mind I am a BOY.”
(Picture courtesy of the Trujillo family)
It has been six years since that day passed, and our lives have transformed in such incredible ways. Our son is happy, healthy, and doing well in school. We still face challenges when it comes to state and federal policy, or societal discrimination and bias against transgender people. But in spite of those challenges, our son is confident in who he is and supported and loved by his family and friends. We have a wonderful community that we can rely on, and are helping other families find their footing.
“We felt that Latinx families who love and support their LGBTQIA+ kids needed to be seen and heard.”
Getting to this place wasn’t easy, though. We are Latinx parents who come from working class, Catholic backgrounds. My husband immigrated from Mexico as a child and is now a U.S. citizen, and I am first generation (also of Mexican descent). When our son came out, we had to navigate a larger, more conservative family, and begin thinking about social transition. It was painful at times, and there were not readily available resources that I could share with my family to help them on their journey towards understanding and inclusion. Existing at the marginalized intersections of race, status, and gender identity can be exhausting. This is what pushed us into advocacy. We felt that Latinx families who love and support their LGBTQIA+ kids needed to be seen and heard. Our children are incredible and supporting them is the right and simple thing to do.
The advice I would give families of transgender and gender non-conforming youth is to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your children first, and always believe them. Make affirming them your top priority. Trust me, they need your unconditional love and support during this important time. The well-being of your child should always be the center of all your decision making when it comes to learning, creating a support system, and fostering an inclusive home and school environment for them.
Secondly, find and connect with community! It is so important to learn from other parents, and your child should see themselves in their peers and the people you surround yourself with.
Collective knowledge helps parents and families create a roadmap of support that is necessary when navigating the challenges that are placed on trans and gender non-conforming youth. It is in this space that you will be able to find affirming doctors, therapists, and other resources. We cannot do this alone, and so connecting with community is essential.
“The advice I would give families of transgender and gender non-conforming youth is to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your children first, and always believe them. Make affirming them your top priority.”
Thirdly, get involved! The world can be hard for transgender and gender non-confroming people, and allies are needed. The current political debate around the validity of transgender and non-binary people has been hostile, debilitating for some, and exhausting for us all. Change can only happen when we all stand together and push the needle towards progress.
Lastly, enjoy watching your child blossom and grow into their authentic selves. Your love is the soil where they bloom, and you will never regret having loved them through it all regardless of your fears and worries! Because that is what parents do, we give them the tools and love needed to become their best and whole selves in hopes they will go off into the world, achieve all that they hope for, and fulfill their dreams.
The Trujillo family featured by People Magazine in June 2020